Purtiy Redefined...

Right now my mind is tired...and I am not sure why. Why am I so tired?? My bed is calling my name, but I wouldn't be ok going to sleep without visiting my dear blog. Those who know me well would agree with me when I say that when I am tired, my mind wanders....so tonight, instead of fighting the bunny trails, I happily give into them. And my blog is just the place to do that. So that being said....that was a bunny trail in of itself.

Honestly something thats been on my mind for the past couple of days is purity...and how growing up in the church I was taught how to stay physically pure, but in reality, physical purity only scratches the surface of what it means to be pure. Physical purity is a reflection of what is going on inside your heart and mind, and for some reason I allow myself to do things in my heart and in my mind that I would never think ok to do physically. I have given pieces of my heart away, gone further into a relationship mentally than I knew was right. And because it was not physically obvious, I thought somehow I was getting away with something.When God saw my heart the whole time, and knew that the "morals and standards" that I claimed to live by I was mentally cheating on.

I have worn a purity ring since I was 16 years old. I love that ring, its simple and means a lot to me. My mom took me to Sanibel Island for my birthday, just me and her, for a long weekend. She bought me the ring after I picked it out at a silver shop. It was inexpensive but it's special in my mind. I remember my state of mind at 16 years old. I had no idea what wearing that ring actually meant. You would think that at 16 I would have been boy crazy and itching to date. I am sure I went through my typical teenage girl phases (ha! Orlando Bloom as the Elf in Lord of the Rings comes to mind) but nothing seriously challenging. I talked the talk but I had no idea how to walk the walk. It wasn't until I met my first real challenge as an older.....what? girl....or a young woman, maybe. I don't know what you could call me but I had just turned 20 and got my first real job. And it didn't take me but two weeks until my "purity" was challenged. No, I didn't do anything physically I would regret, thank the Lord. But I gave my heart away, and my heart is supposed to belong to God. It wasn't mine to give away. And I was hurt and damaged on the inside, because my heart wasn't 110% given over to God. I didn't put my emotional and mental purity first on my priority list. Now I know myself well enough to know my emotions can't be trusted and its a conscience decision everyday...every moment of everyday...to not let my emotions lead my decisions or let my emotions carry away my heart and mind. I belong to God until He brings me to the right place, time and person and says its ok to give my heart away. I have come to the place where I am not interested in a relationship, because I want what God wants for me, so I am not interested in just any relationship, I want the RIGHT relationship.

So when I look at my purity ring, it means so much more than not making out...it means holding on tight to my heart.