Happily Engaged...

It is so good to be here in this moment. Hearing the rain hitting the roof and my tummy full of chocolate cake. I have been away too long, for reasons I'm not sure of. But here I am now, with my blog. My blog is a good friend of mine, and so if I haven't visited it in awhile, writing a post is like getting together for coffee with a best friend. Its just what the doctor ordered.

So many things have happened over the past couple of weeks. I turned 21 on the fifth (hooray!), and decided that I didn't want to drink alcohol. I figured that I have lived my life happily without it, and have had lots of fun without it, so why start now? I think most people drink just because they can, and they are trying to fill a void. And in too many cases drinking becomes a problem, especially for those who don't expect it to. So..I decided to not go down that road.

I became an aunt as well, which I am still digesting. So crazy!! My brother and his wife gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Aidan Micah Armstrong, at about 12:30 on Tuesday, August 12th. I love that child already. I am determined to be the best aunt that ever walked the planet. Once my brother and sister in law get settled in San Antonio, I am going to be down there every chance I can get ( ya know, without driving them crazy or invading their personal space...) ha!

Something special happened the other day. Well, let me share the background story first. A girl I know from back in the day youth group in church recently became engaged. And this brought upon thoughts of engagement and what that means. Its a promise to love. An agreement that you and your special someone are on the same page, want the same things, want to be with each other. And as I was flipping through this girl's pictures on facebook, I was so happy for her because she really lived her faith and waited for the right person, and now she is so apparently happy. I applaud that, big time.

As much as I know that engagement is not a factor in my life right now (because engagement requires a relationship, and well...we know where I stand with that), I still envied that sense of purpose that comes with engagement. I mean, think about what that word means. Its like "I am engaged to someone, I engaged with someone, I am engaged in someone." Its a promise to live life purposely. If you are engaged to someone, you have intention. And at that moment, looking at those pictures, I realized how badly I want to live life with purpose and intention. Life is too short to do otherwise. So I knew in my heart that I was engaged to the Lord, and that I have made a commitment to do so. But the very next day, my mom gives me a mac daddy bling of a ring, that is practically an engagement ring. She bought it for me because she has one very similar that she wears as her wedding ring, and I guess she caught on that I liked it. If she would take it off and set it on the counter for some reason I would snatch it up and try it on my finger (where a wedding ring would be) and gaze longingly at that ring. I would jokingly (or maybe sort of seriously) tell her that I want the wedding ring without the wedding part.

So my mom, the wonderful person she is, bought me this ring. I squeal (yes I sure did, just like a pig about to get fed) with delight, and slid that bad boy onto my wedding ring finger (surely that is not what they call it...but I don't know these things). I make a comment about it looking like an engagement ring, and how everyone at school will ask me if I'm married. My mom replies with, "You are. You are married to the Lord." How right she is....and I could not be happier. God makes a pretty awesome husband. The fact He heard my heart that night about engagement and then showed me such a love gesture in that ring through my mom...its fantastic. How can any guy even compare?

Not liking living in Funkytown....

I have been feeling really blah recently. I have been really hard on myself and picking myself apart. Not acting like myself at all. I feel like I need to spend some serious time with God and get myself back on track. I know that whenever my head feels a little "fuzzy" and everything seems a little muddled in my mind, time in God's word always makes things clearer. I can't afford to let this funk clear out on its own. I have to take control and make it go away. If I focus on God's goodness then I can get out of this moody mess. I just need God's help, the enemy is coming down on me really hard and I need to put an end to it. I want to live in God's goodness and joy. Not give into the anxiety, doubt, apathy, pressure and fears that seem to be coming at me at a million directions. I refuse to give into those feelings. I cannot go back to depression.I know the enemy is trying to pull me back so hard to that place. I see the signs and symptoms everywhere. I need God's rescuing. I need Him to help me from going back to that place. I want to live in God's freedom.