Not Going Back...

I know I am being messed with. I know when all these little things happen, that they are meant to serve as a distraction. So I am trying my hardest not to get wrapped up in them. But its hard. Last night I had a dream about him, that stupid boy. If I could scream at the top of my lungs right now I would, but my sister is sleeping. So internally, I am throwing a fit. Why can't I just be free??? Its like a cruel joke, since I don't think about him during the day, he's going to creep into my dreams.

I don't understand why I am dreaming of him in the first place. I used to think I loved him (excuse me while I swallow my vomit) now I am at a place where I have accepted that I made a fool of myself, but I am not beating myself up about it. I was foolishly mistaken and it was an issue so much bigger than about the guy. I made a mistake, and I have made strides in moving on. But these dreams about him are like claws trying to desperately drag me back to that place I was in. I was held captive by my emotions, and my emotions cannot be trusted. My emotions led me to a very dark and sad place. It was a prison made out of my "feelings".

So I know thats where the enemy wants me. Held captive by my thoughts and emotions. And if he can't get me while I am awake, he's going to try his best to get me while I am asleep. That way I can wake up and have the awful, manipulative dream on the forefront of my mind.

I went for a good three weeks without any dreams like this. And now one hits me last night. Its a clear attack by the enemy. But hes not going to drag me back. I will not be moved. I am calling on Jesus to be my rock and keep me steadfast. Because this whole thing has nothing to do with the guy himself, it has more to do with me. The enemy just used the guy to drag me down faster, but only because I let him. He's not going to get me, no matter how hard he tries. God is bigger and God wants me free.