Right now my head is pounding and I am groggy. I have cried a lot over the past two days. I have tried to get off of caffiene, but I am happily letting go of that ambition. Right now is not the time to do that. One of my dogs passed away the other day, and I did not take it lightly.
The first day was hard, the second day was better because I had a busy day and was distracted. Today, I need to clean my house, because my friend and partner in crime is coming to stay with me for a week. And I am beyond thrilled.So yes I am sad, but everyday life helps keep me from dwelling on the sadness.
Right now, I have so many thoughts going through my head it would be hard to write just about one. SO, that being said, this will be a culmination of my many thoughts. Here we go....
Like I said, my dog just passed away. And it makes me think about when my first dog died, and how hard that hit me. I think for so long I didn't know how to handle anything difficult that came my way, and I have come a long way since that time. I look back at the person I was, and honestly I don't know that person anymore.This morning I went back and read some of my old blog posts, from when I first moved, and I don't recognize that person. God has worked in me in so many ways. I feel liberated of the things I struggled with for most of my life, and I still struggle, but I know how to work through it and not get lost in it. By God's grace, He has saved me, and helped me.
One thing thats being weighing on my mind is my last blog post. I cannot live one day longer with this anger. Talking to a friend on the phone the other day about her anger only triple confirmed how badly I need to lose mine. So I did. I made the choice not to be angry anymore. Its not my place to judge my dad, he is simply human and struggling like we all are, and he is also a son of God. God will deal with him, and I need to love him like God does. It will take baby steps, but the other day, in my heartbreak from my dog's death, I hugged my dad, really hugged him, because I needed him. I need my dad. I love him. And I let the enemy trip me up into this anger, thinking my anger would hurt my dad, and yes, it hurt him....but it hurt me more. God cannot use an angry person. And no one wants to be around an angry person. I thought for so long that someone would "make" me angry.....no one "makes" me angry! I have chosen to be angry. Not any more. I refuse to let the enemy hold me captive one more with this false sense if righteousness over someone else. Enough!
And on a lighter note...life is sweet. God has blessed me so much. And my perspective on life changes when I focus on how blessed I am. I am loved by God. I have great family and friends. There is joy in everyday life. I want to throw away this stupid "I have a reason to be mad all the time", and live in the joy of God's liberation!
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