Reoccurring Theme...

The message of Love is coming at me from a million different directions. I am doing a Bible study where we examined 1 Corinthians 13 "the Love chapter", and I just read an amazing life altering book, "The Shack", which is about God's character and His Love. This past Saturday I spent the day just hanging with my mom and aunt, and we watched the musical Annie (a story of love and redemption, as well as father-daughter love ) and then followed that up with A Little Princess, one of the best movies EVER. It also is about love, how a father and daughter share a deep love for each other, and how this love keeps the little girl, even in the darkest of circumstances, believing that she and all girls are princesses.

I struggle with my relationship with my dad. Its hurting in a lot of ways. To me, he is my "unloveable person", I simply don't know how to do it. In an attempt to keep myself from getting hurt, I have put up my guard around him, and am now feelingless. I refuse to get hurt, I have spent too much time being hurt and upset...now I just have rage. I fill up with anger and try live and operate within my anger. Its all directed towards him. And Lord forbid he does something that pokes me in the least bit way, because the fury will start to leak out. And its not pretty....
The thought of loving my Dad, really loving him like God asks me to, would require an out of body experience for me, to live beyond myself.

Hold up....isn't that what God asks us to do? To live outside of ourselves??

Part of my being able to love my dad, is understanding Gods love for me. If you have not read "The Shack", RUN to the bookstore and buy it. Don't live another day without reading it. It personalizes God and it changed my entire outlook on Him. Its truly indescribable. I finished it last night and tears were flowing. I think I have heard so many of the love "catch phrases" about God that they have lost their meaning. Yes, I know God is love....but what does that mean? I still have this warped view of who He is and my ideas of how he operates have clouded any illusion I might have that God is entirely love. I have let my experience with humans and my own judgements lead me to think that God's love is like our love....conditional, disappointing, superficial, moody, selfish...the list could go on. The thought that God NEVER stops loving me, that God not only loves me, but is IN love with me, is miraculous. He loves me and treasures me like I adore my little sister. I look at her and my heart goes out to her when she is so mad and her behavior gets in the way of what she could have. I want her to stop her tantrum so she can have the special treat, I am not angry with her or love her any less because she is "bad" sometimes. I think she is cute and funny...and I don't know how to say it but....I don't just love her, I LIKE her. And to think that God feels that way about me...is mind blowing. He is never disappointed in me, He genuinely likes me...He loves me.